


Celibacy is Insanity

by Pocket_Theremin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15140798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pocket_Theremin/pseuds/Pocket_Theremin
Summary: Lucifer and Gabriel need to learn how to stop being so jealous, or at least take responsibility for it.





	Celibacy is Insanity

I grumpily stared at the moving road from inside the Impala, sandwiched between Lucifer and Gabriel. I refused to look at either of them. Ever since they started hanging around the bunker, they wouldn't stop bothering me. Most of the time I enjoy their company, but not when it comes to hunting. Cause when it does, they always get between me and any potential threats, and half the time I don't even get to do more than a few punches and kicks. It's been far too long since I've had the chance to actually kill something, and if they don't stop with their overprotectiveness, I'll make them the volunteers.

“What's wrong, Sweets?” Gabriel asked, having the audacity to act worried. They have to know what they're doing.

“Just tense.” I'll save Sam and Dean from having to through the conversation whenever I, hopefully, confront them about the hunting. God knows that’ll only lead to chaos. “Can't wait for the bar, so I can find a guy to help me.” I smirked, as I leaned back in the seat. I would, however, make them deal with two jealous archangels. Not that the boys would notice, since Lucifer and Gabriel always hid it in front of them, except when hunting, but when the brothers weren't around? Oh boy.

“Maybe I can be that guy.” Dean laughed, using the mirror to wink at me. I heard a low growl come from Lucifer's chest, I learned a while ago that archangels can just do that, and Gabriel immediately tensed up. They both protectively scooted closer to me and glared at Dean, even though he couldn't see them. Y'know, with how overprotective and jealous they get, you'd think I would be dating at least one of them. But no, the most they've done is flirt with me.

“Oh?” I smirked, raising my eyebrows at him. Dean did the same, and the overprotective boys shifted even closer to me. I leaned forward to give myself some space, resting my elbows on my legs and my head on my hands. “Too bad you’re not my type.” They relaxed a tiny bit.

“What? I'm everyone's type.”

“I'm sure lesbians would agree.”

“I could turn a girl straight if I tried.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mhm, sure. Could you also turn a man gay?”

He paused, and I could see part of his face in the mirror. He looked traumatized. “I don't wanna talk about it.” Everyone laughed at him. Especially Sam.. “You're all dicks.”

“Yep!” 

~~~

“Hey, sexy.” I purred, as I sauntered up to the bar. I didn't feel like waiting for my drink, so I got the bartender's attention the easiest way I could. He locked eyes with me, nodding to let me know I’d been noticed, and finished up with the drink he was making. He immediately came up to me.

“What can I do for ya, darlin’?” Ooh, an accent. Maybe I can get him sometime after his shift?

“Hmm…” I leaned over the bar and rested my hands on my chin, pushing my cleavage together to give him a great view. “What would you suggest?”

“For a pretty li'l thang like you? Maybe a margarita? We only use the good stuff ‘round here.”

“Sure. Frozen, please.”

“I'll get right on that, darlin'.” He winked, and made the drink with much more flare than was necessary, in an attempt to make me impressed. I wasn't, I live with two archangels, but I was about to compliment him nonetheless. Unfortunately, the aforementioned boys decided to appear in that moment. Crap.

“Hello, Y/N.” Lucifer smiled menacingly, leaning against the bar beside me.

“Heya, Sweets.” Gabriel leaned over the bar, assuming practically the same position as me, on the opposite side. Once again, I was sandwiched between them both. Why does this happen so often?

The bartender's smirk disappeared, and he looked at them both warily. They both smiled at him threateningly. “You know these two?” He nervously poured the drink, and slid it in front of me.

“Just some jerks who won't leave me alone.” I huffed. “You talk to ‘em one time!” 

The bartender narrowed his eyes, leaning closer to me as if that would prevent them from hearing, even if they were normal humans. “Want me to take care of ‘em for ya?”

“Aww, c'mon Sweets. I know you're mad, but that doesn't mean you should pretend we're strangers.” Gabriel pouted.

“No matter how angry you are, you shouldn't go flirting with men other than your boyfriends.” I kept my face neutral, despite my shock. Even if it was just to stop me from flirting, they finally, sort of, made a move. Wonder if it'll actually lead to anything. Still mad at them, though.

“Uh…” The bartender started wilting under the glares from my “boyfriends”. “I have more people I gotta get to.” He awkwardly pointed behind him, where no one was standing, before dashing away to the opposite side of the bar. Coward.

I sighed. “Thanks for that, guys. Definitely what I wanted the guy I was flirting with to do. Run away.”

“He wasn't good for you anyways. He just ran away in the face of danger, he wouldn't survive being with you for a second.” Gabe said, while checking out my cleavage, if I'm not mistaken. I rolled my eyes.

“All I was doing was seducing him, not romancing him.” I pushed myself away from the bar with a sigh. “Now what do I do?”

“Flirt with someone new?” Lucifer said sarcastically, with an obvious warning in his voice telling me not to.

“Yeah, sure, that's a great idea.” I said with sarcastic happiness, before going back to my deadpan expression. “If I did that, I'm pretty sure you guys would be telling everyone in here that I'm your “girlfriend”.”

“Well, do you have any problems with that?” Gabe said, as he got up to stand beside me.

“Yes.” I scanned the room, finding Sam and Dean flirting with their perspective women. Not sure if I should be relieved or not that I don't have to sit with them right now. “For one, who knows how the boys would react.” I started walking towards a booth in the corner, the archangels following. It was dimly lit and hardly noticeable, but it allowed me to see pretty much all of the bar. Hunter habit. “And two, I’d have no way to get out my anger.” I slid into the middle of the rounded booth, and they both sat on my opposing sides. Again. Damn hunter instinct, I should've chosen a normal booth, so I'd only have to be next to one of them. “Not that I currently have a way, anyways. Can't fight or kill stuff, cause you guys always put yourself right between me and whatever I'm hunting. And, now I can't even flirt with a guy, yet alone do more.”

They shared a glance, and Gabriel had the decency to at least look guilty. Lucifer didn't seem grumpy anymore, at the very least. There was silence. I'm not saying anything more, one of them can man up and do that. Gabriel sighed, and started speaking. “It's just cause we don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I'm a hunter. I've been hunting things since way before I met you both. I can do it without getting myself wounded, and if I do manage to get myself in trouble, then you can come to my rescue, but don't try to “protect me” when I don't need it.”

“I think, maybe, we can manage that.” Gabriel gave Lucifer a look, and he nodded.

“But that doesn't mean other men can touch you.” Wow, okay, that was forward, but he better not actually expect me to agree with that. “Humans are unpredictable and untrustworthy, who knows what they'd try to do to something as perfect as you.” Okay, reasonable reasoning. And also, I really hope that didn't make me blush, because that's not very threatening.

“I mean, you can try to make that happen, but you're not gonna be around me forever, and it's like Dad used to say; Celibacy is insanity.” They both stared at me questioningly.

“I mean, he's right, but… You know what, I’m not even gonna touch on that.” Gabriel said, shaking his head.

“He also vehemently told me to have sex before marriage.” Okay, it was less weird with context, but not nearly as funny. They both continued to stare.

“Okaaay, moving on.” Gabriel cleared his throat. “No one ever said you had to be celibate.” He winked, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, as Lucifer wrapped his arm around my waist. Wait. Wait, what? Oh no. This is too forward, why did I want this? “Look, Luci, her face is all red!” I glared at Gabriel, but he just playfully stuck his tongue out.

“Shut up, and leave me be.” I sunk down into the booth, trying to will the blush away. 

“What's wrong? You were just fine a moment ago with that bartender.” Lucifer’s voice grew deeper when he mentioned the guy, and we glared towards the bar.

“Yeah, but you guys I actually care about. He was just…” I trailed off. That wouldn't be rude to say, right? We're in a bar, that's only to be expected.

“A way to let off some steam?” Lucifer whispered in my ear, deepening my blush. I regret not saying that myself.

“We can help you with that, y'know?” Gabriel winked. Okay, it probably wouldn't have made a difference either way.

“I… I think maybe I'll just stick with hunting for now.”

“Boring.” Gabriel stuck his tongue out at me, but gave me a peck on the lips. I blinked in surprise. “But we can be gentle, too. For now.” Stop this, no more blushing please and thank you. Lucifer glared at him, and brought his lips up to my own. It was a lot more intense than Gabe's, but still surprisingly gentle. I happily returned the kiss. “Hey!” Gabe pouted.

Lucifer smirked when he separated from my lips. “You got to kiss her first, so I had to make things even.”

This time Gabe was the one to glare, and he kissed me with even more passion than Lucifer. I returned it in kind, but he pulled away before long. He stuck his tongue out at his brother, and I felt my face grow even hotter, realizing what had just happened. Lucifer was about to kiss me again, but I slid down under the table, barely leaving my head on the back of the booth. “Stooop. Too much PDA.”

“That’s not a problem. No one even knows that we're back here. It's like this table doesn't even exist to them. Good choice.” Lucifer said, smirking and leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Now I don't have to worry about anyone else trying to make you their own.”

“Except for me!” Gabe added.

I covered my face with my hands, sinking down even further. “Stooooop.”

“Never.” They terrifyingly replied in unison.

“You guys are dicks.”

“But you love us!” I peeked up through my hands to see them both smiling down at me. Ugh, they’re so cute.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: PocketTheremin


End file.
